divorce coaching

7 Ways to Forgive Yourself and Others…. And Find True LOVE!

By Tatyana Gann

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Self-forgiveness and self-love. Two topics. Two beginnings. Two outcomes.  Where do we start? Do we start forgiving ourselves because we love…or do we love because we forgive? That is the question we ask ourselves as we embrace the journey of self-love and self-forgiveness and forgiveness in general.

In the past two years as I coached clients, the topic of forgiveness has been the most important topic my clients wanted to discuss and to work through the issues that affected their forgiveness of others or themselves.

It was a tough area that I personally dealt with as I was going through a challenging divorce.  Today it would have been my wedding anniversary, 21 years, and I am okay sharing it because we are human and life happens. Did I feel sadness? Yes. Did I feel gratitude? YES?

I hope you can benefit from learning mindset tactics that can help you feel LIGHT and HAPPY again because that is what forgiveness does.

  • It gives you peace of mind, fills your heart with hopes, joy and inspiration.
  • It is no longer a heavy feeling in your heart.
  • It is a feeling of love, compassion, kindness and peace.

How do we forgive ourselves? Let me show you how you can adjust your thought patterns and simple things you can do to start forgiving yourself for mistakes, flaws and your life regrets.

Okay. Let’s go!

1. Write down everything that burdens you.

Everything…YES EVERYTHING.  You need to be honest with yourself and be raw. You must bring everything to the surface so you can face it.  That is where your healing starts.. It is a place of personal awareness.

2. Write down how you want to feel as a result of self-forgiveness.

It is a vision you have for your life. It is an outcome you see in your mind. How does it feel to feel self-forgiveness? What will it do for your life? How would you feel to forgive another human being? Will you feel compassion, more love, understanding?

Do you have any fears associated with forgiveness? Often we are afraid to forgive because we think we will be considered weak if we show compassion and kindness. Actually it is your strength. It takes a strong person to forgive. It takes a strong person to drop ego and forgive. What matters is your decision to forgive and being able to forgive.

It does take time to forgive. Forgiveness of others and ourselves is an experience. It is a journey of knowing yourself, your values, your standards and overcoming fears of future. It is about rebuilding yourself and becoming a better version of yourself.

3. Think of new choices you must make in order to make your life better.

New choices will help you see your past mistakes and understand that at that moment you did not understand certain life principles and you did your best or what you perceived as the best option. As you start establishing your new patterns you will see yourself in a new light. You will rebuild your confidence because self-forgiveness helps you see yourself less broken and more hopeful.

4. Write down your values. When you know your values stick to them. It will help you establish new boundaries and honor who you are and what you stand for.

5. Know your mentors.

Be careful what kind of teachers and mentors you surround yourself with. Not everyone will give you best advice. Everyone has their agenda and their life experiences. Trust your gut and consult with the ones who have similar values. That is why it is so important to establish your core values. write them down. Ask yourself if your teachers fit the mold of your new values.

6. Know your friends.

We live in the world of social media where everyone is a friend. Be picky about your inner circle. Your friends will influence you. What influence do you want to have in your life?

In the end I want to share the biggest a-ha moment: As you fill your heart with MORE love for yourself, it will be easy to forgive others and yourself.  Self-love means removing the layer of perception others create for you and accepting yourself as you are this very moment. From that point you can only choose what is best for you and you make the best decisions to improve your life, your lifestyle, your business, your wellness plan, your spiritual and personal growth. You make an effort to discover the best qualities in you and nurture them. As you grow, your will see your previous choices from the place of compassion and start appreciating yourself even more. Then you can forgive yourself with ease.

7. Start enjoying your life.

Start doing this your love. Write a list of new things you want to try.  Get yourself in a happy state of mind. You might discover new things about yourself you did not know you could do and you can make new friends.

Every hour of your life …you either exist or you love! As you find forgiveness in your heart, you will find TRUE LOVE as you look in the mirror! Yes,TRUE LOVE is YOU!

Love,

Coach Tatyana

If you think it was a helpful advice please share it with others.

If you are open to making changes in your personal life, let’s talk. Schedule your 40 min free session today and I look forward to helping you.

How to move on after a breakup and find an ecstatic joy in life

By Tatyana Gann

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In the movie The Silver Linings Playbook the character says , “I don’t want to stay in the bad place, where no one believes in silver linings or love or happy endings.” He lost everything. He was lost. But somewhere inside he knew there was a hope for LOVE.

Breakups are like that…They break us apart.  They take love away. We do not want to stay in the bad place. We believe in the silver lining and things do work out.

And actually, they do work out.

Breakups tore us apart, so we can see the light. Breakups are not designed to destroy us and lead us into the darkness. They are made for our personal growth if we get our lesson.

After a divorce or a bad breakup, it is so easy to find yourself being miserable and living in the place filled with pity. We can comfort ourselves with wine, food and chocolate. But instead, we can discover new life energy within ourselves that was hiding ready to emerge.

First…We can be grateful…
Be grateful? Really? Are you kidding me?
You tell me I should be grateful for the breakup’s pain? YES
You tell me I should be grateful for the wasted time? YES.
You tell me I should be grateful for arguments we have had? YES.
Gratitude is the most powerful force to get you out of the funky mood. It is not cheesy. It works every time!

Practice it for the next 21 days. Begin your gratitude change if you want to find love again. Because if you stay in the toxic memories, you will not be the most attractive person to be around. It will affect everything you do including your career and relationships with friends. Only you can change it.

Secondly, remember there are no losses. We let go of one person not to replace him or her with somebody else. We let go of our loved ones so we can find love for ourselves. Only then, we can allow space to love someone new. It may not be the same type of love you have felt but it is a new love and a new experience.
One of my favorite personal development authors Florence Shinn said, “There is no loss in Divine Mind, therefore, I cannot lose anything that is rightfully mine. “
Every person we meet is our teacher. They reveal what we can work on. They reveal what we can change so our next relationship can be more authentic, genuine and more compassionate.
The truth breakups happen because of our big EGO.

The good news you can move on with an attitude of gratitude and say (silently) to the one who broke your heart, “THANK YOU for loving me when I was imperfect and thank you for leaving me to be more loved!”
Try and see how you feel. Do you feel a shift after saying THANK YOU to the one who is no longer with you?

This week please try to do something fun and yes it can be in the middle of the week. Watch a comedy, hike, listen to fun happy music. Then from the place of joy think about your new life chapter.

If you need help, schedule a free session today! 

With love
Tatyana

How to use corny gratitude practices to rebuild your life and heal your heart

By Tatyana Gann

 

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Hi, there!

It is a Sunday afternoon. I usually love writing on Sundays and I have not written in a while. I have been debating what I should share with you that could make a difference in your life and something you can start doing right away to experience breakthroughs. It might be corny or cheesy but you know it is simple. It works!

This year as I faced a few personal life and family challenges, the biggest challenge in 2015 was my Gratitude challenge. Right after my divorce was final in December 2014, I started a brand new divorce recovery challenge— a gratitude challenge.  I realized that if one thing I had to change, I had to change myself. I also saw if I wanted to change relationships with a father of my boys I had to change. If I wanted to be the best MOM I had to take an inventory of my mind and my heart.

Gratitude was the instrumental tool in my recovery. Gratitude became my number #1 choice.

Gratitude has helped me to weed all the negative thoughts, complaints, blames out of my mind and shape new positive and abundant thoughts. Gratitude helped me to cope and handle everyday stress and find blessings even when I could only count a few of them. It opened my heart to find blessings in the places I never thought was possible.

I saw the biggest opportunities were within my mind. If I wanted to be more, I needed to feed my mind with the most empowering thoughts, love, and positive energy. Gratitude practice became my discipline. It protected me from anger, envy and self-pity.

When I was little, my parents had a big garden. Every weekend I was working in the garden and was pulling the weeds out just to come back the following weekend and do it all over. It was a very important task for me. I had to make sure my garden was clean and cared for. I was so proud of it. We had a great harvest every fall and I was a quite accomplished gardener. It felt great to see the results of my labor and enjoy fresh veggies and berries.

When I was reading about Sir John Templeton, a legendary philantropist and investor, and his letter he had included in his Christmas card,  I was intrigued and it made a total sense to me. It was about our mind being a garden we should tend to.

According to the source, Sir John Templeton wrote a Christmas Letter to his family in 1962:

He looked at the mind as a garden: “If you exercise no control, it will become a weed patch and a source of shame and misery. If you exercise wise control, then it will be filled with God’s miracles and become a place of indescribable beauty. You are free to choose which. How can you do it? Simply, for example, develop a habit of looking at each thought as you would a plant. If it is worthy, if it fits the plan you desire for your mind, cultivate it. If not, replace it. How do you get it out of your mind? Simply by putting in its place two or three thoughts of love or worship, for no mind can dwell on more than two or three thoughts at one time. 

“Circumstances outside the garden of your mind do not shape you. You shape them. For example, if you expect treachery, allowing those thoughts to dwell in your mind, you will get it. If you fill your mind with thoughts of love, you will give love and get it. If you think little of God, He will be far from you. If you think often of God, the Holy Spirit will dwell more in you. The glory of the universe is open to every man. Some look and see. Some look and see not.
“Gardens are not made in a day. God gave you one lifetime for the job. Control of your garden or your mind grows with practice and study of the wisdom other minds have bequeathed to you. He who produces an item of unique beauty in his garden or his mind may have a duty to give that seed to others. As your body is the dwelling place of your mind, so is your mind the dwelling place of your soul. The mind you develop is your dwelling place for all your days on earth, and the soul you develop on earth may be the soul you are stuck with for eternity. God has given you the choice.” 
My challenge to you is to write 10 blessings every day. Gratitude will be the best tool to clear your mind, your beautiful God’s gift.
The best side effects of gratitude:
1. Giving heart and generosity
2. Forgiving heart
3. Stress-free life
4. Uplifting others and focusing on helping less fortunate
5. Becoming clear about your life purpose and mission
6. Career or business success
7. Better relationships
8. Clear mind
9. Much more…
Are you ready to create a positive change….?
Start with gratitude today!
With love
Coach Tatyana

How to stay strong and survive divorce: a divorce coach gives her insights

By Tatyana Gann

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You have heard a saying “Tough times do not last…tough people do..”

Well…

Today I am giving you 5 ways to stay strong, reduce stress, love yourself so you can survive divorce. The beautiful thing is when you have the right tools and know the exact tactics how to get through the divorce, you will be well prepared for your new life once your divorce is final.

But… I do want to ask you the most important question- do you really want a divorce? Is this your final answer? Do you know the consequences of divorce?  I am not a therapist, a doctor, or a family counselor to give you a marriage advice. I am a woman who faced a divorce and it was not easy. You must follow your heart and believe if you can save your marriage then, please do.  If you think you have done everything you could to save it and have exhausted all your options, then you can decide what works best for you.

The main point of my article is to help you survive divorce and take control of your life.

Before we discuss all the five ways to keep your stress levels down there are couple things you should consider. During the divorce, we tend to isolate ourselves from our friends and family. I know we do not like to discuss our family matters and you should not. However, it is a perfect time to step out of the box and become a better version of yourself.

When you stop isolating yourself and instead, you get out and find the support system you will experience a personal transformation. You will meet others who might need your advice as well. Some people are financially prepared to survive a divorce battle, but then you meet the ones who are total wrecks on the emotional level. Being a helpful resource for another person will help you get out of the funky mood and be of service. You will grow on a spiritual level. You will learn to trust yourself and others.

Transformation is worthy.

It has been almost a year since I got divorced and it was a very hard year of finding yourself, starting my life all over at the age of 40, trusting myself and others, and of course, healing my heart. The moment you sign a divorce decree is a new beginning and it is a scary time, yet it is the time when you find a new level of courage to go on.  I think that was my biggest reason to become a holistic and a transformational coach and help women who were going through the divorce.

Each person’s experience is different, but the emotions each of us does experience are the same. We cannot believe our divorce is final. We feel alone, isolated, angry. We start grieving and we sometimes try to avoid these emotions by stuffing our heart with things that do not last or do not matter.  Unfortunately, we cover them because we want to look cool and we care what others think.

We live in denial.  We feel lost. We feel sad.

And you know what? It is okay not to be okay.

I remember asking God “When will it be over, God…I am tired, exhausted and you want me to go on?”

Somehow you find the energy to go on and look fear in the eye…You go on. You persevere. You will make it through and I believe in you.

If you are going through the divorce now, I hope this piece of my personal advice will prepare you for an emotional boot camp you are about to experience. I am not going to lie to you and say it is going to be perfect. Yes, you will feel a relief that your legal battles are over once your divorce is final. You will be able to start a new chapter of your life but you will learn to adjust and change your lifestyle.  You will no longer be called a wife or a husband. You will find yourself facing new YOU and that is when you have to set new boundaries and be excited about a new chapter of life. You must commit to becoming a better version of yourself and leave your old version behind.  The way you take care of yourself while going through the divorce will determine how you will be treated and how you are going to treat yourself after you become single again.

Now…Let’s talk how you can survive divorce by reducing stress, staying strong and relaxed. Is it possible? Let’s find out.

First of all, I am sharing my OWN experiences and what I have learned as a result of my personal soul-searching and transformation. Today I am giving you the exact outline of tactics and strategies that have worked for me. I have spent 3 years studying holistic healing, laws of mind, the power of energy to change my life, and becoming very clear about my calling as a transformational coach and a writer. It is my privilege to share my knowledge with you so you can feel less stressed, and see the most negative event in your life as the best opportunity to grow. I am going to address a few questions to help you go through divorce by understanding who you are and what you can do to ensure the best outcome.

  1. Are you emotionally ready for divorce?

 

The majority of people are not ready for divorce. It is an unexpected event and even though couples talk about divorce, the event becomes real when you see your “love” in the court room. We think being emotional and vulnerable is great…but NOT during the divorce. You must learn how to transform your current outcome by changing how you think, respond and feel about it.

It is very true. If I had known the laws of mind and the power of my words….then I could have changed the final outcome. You would be surprised how it can change you and your life.

You must be very clear about the outcome you ULTIMATELY desire and believe that you would do all the RIGHT things. As you start a divorce process your goal is to stay relaxed and together.

 

  1. Self-care is not selfish

 

How are you taking care of yourself? If you do not, then why not? Self-care is not selfish. You cannot perform well when your body is tired and your mind is not clear. Self-care is VITAL for your endurance during your divorce and it will be even more vital as your embrace a new chapter of your life.  My daily protocol has included essential oils for managing stress, meditations, salt baths, occasional massage, drinking lot of water and avoiding wine. Sleep is MUST.

I enjoyed hiking on weekends and evenings to clear my mind.

 

  1. Everything is energy.

Have you heard that right? Your feelings affect your energy. The energy that you feel behind each thought can bring a change into your life. You are in charge of how you feel every day. You will have negative and positive thoughts. Learning to stay centered, balanced starts with understanding that anger, fear, anxiety will cause your energy to be off and can affect your desired outcome.

 

If you feel your energy is off and you constantly live in fear, anger or experience other negative emotions, no matter what you desire it is not going to happen. That is why seeing the desired outcome in your mind and using the power of visualization will help you build a bridge from where you are to where you want to be.

Secondly, you must learn how to release anger and resentment, forgive all the hurts and pains so you can survive. Forgiveness is a big deal and it will free you from the negative emotions you are experiencing. Do not delay forgiveness. You are doing it for yourself. Meditation and daily prayers have also been a very effective way to feel balanced.

 

  1. Water…

Hydration is important. Drinking a lot of water can help you unwind and reduce stress according to the fitness and sports medicine experts. I have been drinking kangen water for over 6 years and have been adding the essential lemon or orange oils to help me keep at my best during such difficult times. If you want to learn more about Kangen Water book 30 min session with me

 

  1. Whole and clean foods diet

I did my best to eat healthier.  When we are stressed we forget to eat or we eat the WRONG foods. I tried my best to avoid junk foods and include my favorite fruits and veggies and consume less sugar or white flour. I was craving mangoes, avocados, and citrus fruits. Your body will tell you what it needs. Tune in and listen to your body.  During the first year of my divorce, I have stopped drinking coffee and only drank herbal teas. There is something about a good cup of tea to warm your heart.

I know it sounds simple but why not, right?.  The divorce is complicated enough and I encourage you to take  a deep breath and relax.

Remember every day is a new day. When you take care of your body, mind and spirit you can get through life challenges.

If you liked my advice, feel free to schedule a free session with me now. I will be honored to guide you and show you how to unlock your inner power and create the outcomes you desire. Click here to book your free session.

 

With love

 

Your Coach Tatyana